fuck.

FUCK.

I... I don't know if I can do this.

I mean... gov freaks me out enough.

stumbling through lines in brit lit skit b/c the story of the vulture/boy journalist kept running through my head.

he took the pictures. then he tried to help the boy, and eventually went back to the states and won all of these prizes for the pics... started to wonder what had happened to the boy... went back to the village to find out. found out he was dead. the journalist commmited suicide from all of it.

*sigh*

nepalm (sp?) girl pic... she lived... the journalist took her to a hospital, made sure she got better, made a point of keeping in touch... they stayed good friends... the journalist was even at her wedding, years later...

human compassion is a wonderful, horrible thing.

but that wasn't even related to me. not in the slightest, most indirect way.

I care about complete strangers.

and this?

overly sensitive person + situations like this where there's a specific person who's undergoing problems + the stress that everyone else is going through + sleep deprivation + nightmares = break down...

that was last night.

kind of this morning too.

I almost fell asleep in the shower... and then I freaked out all over again.

fuck.

I feel like shit, but so do several other people right now... and I can't do anything for any of them. I can't do anything for her.

I can't even think straight.

can't type w/o making huge errors... you don't even want to know how many I've had to go back and fix.

I... GRR. dammit... god fucking damn it all.

I can't just stand around and watch things like this happen... I need to DO something... but... she won't let me know what's bothering her. she won't let me be that close to her. I'm closed off, and so is anyone else, and nobody will truly be able to help her until she lets them.

I feel caged.

(this diary needs to be locked...)

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